Kokoda – Part 2

Report On Death of a pig

My inquires were based on –

1. the pig died of hunger
2. the pig carried its own pack, such a pack weighing more than the regulation 40lb.
3. the pig intercepted Colonel Flayes Xmas message to the troops and being no hypocrite died of sympathetic heart seizure.
4. the pig had been fed an unsuitable diet at Kanga H.Q. – troops comforts not being fit for swine the pig had slowly died of nicotine poisoning lingering on only as far as Kiesenik.
5. the pig had been overfed on a diet of bullshit usually fed to forward troops in the form of news and intelligence communiqués.
On pursuing my inquiries I ascertained that on grounds 1. the pig died of hunger.
There was no supportable evidence. It would appear that at all times at Kanga H.Q. there has been an overabundance of food not to mention the troops comforts. Contrary to grounds 1. there the pig had been in the company of other pigs at H.Q. and it might justifiably be thought that the by following the example set, it would have been overfed.
THE PIG DID NOT DIE OF HUNGER
On grounds 2. the pig carried its own pack.
Such a pack weighing more than the 40lb. I had great difficulty in ascertaining the truth. Indeed one native, by name Tuckit, swore that Colonel Flay not the pig had died at Kiesenik or at least had been driven from Wau. On investigation it was found the native was referring to the remarkable resemblance. Tracing the pig back to Wau I found it had been loaded with bedding and kia but not being a commando it had vigorously squealed. Two carriers bore its pack. At Chrystal Creek the pig disappeared. I could not be certain why. A question arises here – did it have a meet? The pig was recovered four hours later bleeding and flayed bearing unmistakeable signs of interference.
THE PIG DID NOT DIE FROM CARRYING ITS OWN PACK.
On grounds 3. that the pig intercepted Colonel Fleays Xmas message to the troops and being no hypocrite dies of a sympathetic heart seizure. There was evidence that the pig did get the message, but far from having a seizure the number one boy said, “Pig he make him big fella noise like him bust. Pig he lookim, number one joke, he stop.” The pig it seems would undoubtedly be weakened by its unseemly display of amusement, but the pig did not die as a result – perverted swine undoubtedly.
THE PIG DID NOT DIE OF SYMPATHETIC HEART SEIZURE.
On grounds 4. That the pig has slowly died of nicotine poisoning owing an unsuitable diet being fed it at Kanga H.Q., troops comforts not bring fit for swine.

The evidence appeared fairly strong in support of such supposition. On holding a post-mortem I found undoubted traces of nicotine in the lower alimentary canal, but not sufficient to cause death.
Despite our tobacco scarcity cigarette bumpers are as common as usual around Izzy Dizzy, Kanga H.Q.
Further evidence proved that our pig had not had an undue share of troops comforts but had had to enter into energetic competition with the other swine at H.Q.
THE PIG DID NOT DIE OF NICOTINE POISONING OR OTHER EFFECTS OF AN UNSUITABLE DIET.
The above evidence naturally then disproves the assertion of grounds 5.

That the pig had been overfed a diet of bullshit usually reserved and fed to forward troops in the form of news and intelligence communiqués.
I discovered that Colonel Fleay had been unflagging in his efforts to send that diet forward to us. Not sufficient bullshit was left for the pig. Forward areas got the lot.
THE PIG DID NOT DIE OF OVERFEEDING.

By Alf Monsen

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