night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small
town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee,
he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes
when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands
on her chair and starts shouting: ‘I’ve heard enough
of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think
you can stereotype women that way? What does the
colour of a persons hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!’
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologise, when the blonde yells, ‘You stay out of this mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!’
_____________________
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the
road. The sign read: ‘Disneyland Left.’ So they went home.
__________________
A blonde went to an electronic store and she asked, ‘How mush is
this TV?’ The salesman said, ‘Sorry, we don’t sell to
blondes.’ The next day she came as a brunette. She asked the salesman
how much the TV was. He said, ‘Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.’
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much
the TV was. He said, ‘Sorry we don’t sell to blondes.’
She replied, ‘I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do
you know I am a blonde?’ ‘Because that is not a TV, it’s
a microwave.’
_____________________
One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of
his car and asks the blonde for her license. ‘You cops should get
it together. One day you take away my licence and the next day you ask
me to show it.’
___________________
The BLONDE and the MECHANIC
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She
says, ‘What’s the story?’ He replies, ‘Just crap
in the carburettor.’ She asks, ‘How often do I have to do
that?’
RIVER WALK
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank.
‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts, ‘How can I get to the other side?’
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back
‘You ARE on the other side.’
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing
at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was
knitting. Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and
siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’ ‘NO!’ the blonde yelled back,
‘SCARF!’
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an America, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, ‘We were the first in space!’ The American said, ‘We
were the first on the moon!’ The Blonde said, ‘So what? We’re
going to be the first on the sun!’ The Russian and the American
looked at each other and shook their heads. ‘You can’t land
on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!’ said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, ‘We’re not stupid, you know.
We’re going at night!’
FINALLY AND ARGUABLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked
her what their names were. The blonde said that one was named Rolex and
the other Timex. Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that?’
‘HELLOOOOO,’ answered the blonde. ‘They’re Watch
dogs!’
________________________
A blonde began a job as an elementary school counsellor and she was eager
to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself
on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game
of soccer at the other. The blonde approached and asked the girl if she
was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy
noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again,
Sandy offered, ‘Would you like me to be your friend?’ The
girl hesitated, then said, ‘Okay,’ looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, ‘Why are
you standing here all alone?’ ‘Because,’ the little
girl said with great exasperation, ‘I’m the goalie!’
_______________________
A blonde was driving along a country road, listening to the radio. The
DJ was telling blonde jokes one after the other, and she got extremely
pissed off and turned of the radio. She continued down the road, and in
a field she saw another blond in a canoe trying to row across the field.
She stopped and got out of the car, and yelled across to the other blonde,
‘It’s blondes like you who make everyone think I’m stupid.
If I could swim, I’d come out there and give you a piece of my mind!’
__________________________
A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window frames on a 50 story building. He was using an electric saw and accidentally cut one of his ears off. A guy was walking along the street below him so he called out, ‘Hey, you on the street, can you see my ear down there?’ The guy on the street picks up an ear saying, ‘Is this it?’ ‘No,’ was the reply from the blonde carpenter, ‘mine had a pencil behind it.’
