A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, ‘something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pyjamas? I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.’ He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks, ‘did you have a good trip?’ ‘Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas.’ ‘Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box.’
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A woman is in bed with her lover who happens to be her husbands best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…(She is speaking in a cheery voice.) ‘Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye.’ She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘Oh,’ she replies, ‘that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having with you on his fishing trip.’
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Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons. ‘My son,’ the first one says, ‘started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!’
‘My son,’ said the second, ‘started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion.’
‘My son,’ said the third, ‘started out sweeping floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock.’
‘Well,’ the fourth guy said, ‘my son’s turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He’s a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday.’
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A man walked into a lawyers office and inquired about the rates. ‘Fifty dollars for three questions,’ replied the lawyer. ‘Isn’t that awfully steep?’ asked the man. ‘Yes,’ the lawyer replied, ‘and what was your third question?’
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A guy (we’ll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman’s home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet, and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know. When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done. ‘Aaron, The carpet looks wonderful!’ she exclaimed. ‘Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, and by the way, have you seen my guinea pig?’

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.”

His buddy said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled!”

So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, “Well, did you take my suggestion? How’d it turn out?”

“She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling - - I’ll see you in two hours!”
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A Company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.

The question was:

‘A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman’s back. What is the man’s name?’

After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.

The first, from Canada, says “My answer is there IS no answer.’

The second, from New Zealand, says “My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.”

The third one, from Australia said “I’m not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It’s either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer.”

The Australian got the job.
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President bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and the President asked what his name is.
“Billy.”
“And what is your question, Billy?”
“I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
Just then the bell rings for recess. President Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume the President says, “Ok, where were we? Oh that’s right – question time. Who has a question?” Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asked him his name.
“Steven.”
“And what is your question, Steve?” “I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes. Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the hell happened to Billy?”